And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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