girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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