i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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