Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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