I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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