Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
