Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
whose parrot is this?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
