taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
All the doctor said was why
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
