its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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