also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
