you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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