why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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