I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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