In the future we'll all be gay
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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