WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize