Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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