She went from zero to smokin in five shots
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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