I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
