dude i'm inner monologue high
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
