When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
