hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
