Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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