Who wears a wallet chain?!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
