i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
