I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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