I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize