All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
