9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
