now i know why i became what i already was.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
