You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
This house was built for laser tag.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
