He kissed a someone with a penis
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
