im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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