My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
