my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
