Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
