Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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