so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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