I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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