I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
