you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
