Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
