I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
