I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
