o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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