I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
That reminds me...we need to get swords
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Every concussion has its silver lining
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
