I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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