well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
