If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
