Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
