apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
