Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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