i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
