at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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