Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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