Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
