How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
