dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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