Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
