I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
