ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
