I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
