hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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