She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
