Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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