...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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