I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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