the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
