Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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