wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
