afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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