sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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