yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
