whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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