He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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