just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
