Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
