a queef is a wish your heart makes.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize