Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
