so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
