He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
