Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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