we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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