in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
