All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
