haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
