Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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