so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
