It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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