I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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