This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
