Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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