Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
