Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
