i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
