So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
