Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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