I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
