There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
