dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize